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Chi mi legge conoscerà senz’altro la mia battaglia contro le spirali negative, specialmente quelle generate dai nostri comportamenti, che ritengo essere le più pericolose, per via del rischio concreto di compromettere il percorso del nostro cammino sulla strada per il successo. Una di queste nello specifico ha una stretta correlazione con il “tempo”, tema che ultimamente sto trattando in maniera più approfondita, in questo caso del futuro e di come certe volte alcuni comportamenti possano pregiudicare la nostra capacità di programmarlo correttamente o addirittura rendere impossibile percorrerlo.

Esistono tanti casi eclatanti di vittime che perdonano i propri carnefici o aguzzini e spesso ci domandiamo come sia possibile farlo, ci caliamo nei panni della vittima di abusi o torti e pensiamo a come ci saremmo comportati noi al suo posto, saremmo stati in grado di perdonare? La maggior parte risponderà di no, e pur provando pietà per la vittima, davvero non riusciamo a comprendere come essa possa aver perdonato il torto che tanta sofferenza le ha causato. Ma ci siamo mai chiesti quale sia il reale significato del perdono? Pensiamo che sia la semplice rinuncia ad una qualche forma di vendetta? (sentimento pessimo tra l’altro), oppure, ancor più semplicemente, significa tralasciare un torto subito? Eppure l’atto del perdono ha in sé delle implicazioni più profonde e spesso è proprio quel gesto necessario al nostro inconscio per farci superare una situazione difficile, per darci letteralmente il “via” per un nuovo percorso di vita, aiutandoci così a proiettarsi verso il futuro, lasciandoci alle spalle i fantasmi e le sofferenze legate a quei torti che pensiamo di aver subito, la lista in questo caso può essere lunghissima e può comprendere atti semplici come un’offesa verbale o più gravi come un tradimento o peggio ancora; in prima analisi ci ritroveremo spesso a dover coesistere con un profondo senso di frustrazione, anche rabbia, e durante questi momenti probabilmente non riusciremo a contemplare il perdono in nessun modo possibile, la semplice idea di farlo ci metterà subito a disagio ponendo in cima alla lista la sensazione di “debito” nei nostri confronti e quindi di un modo per “riscuoterlo” (vendetta), ma come spesso insistito, cadere in una spirale negativa è molto semplice, mentre poi uscirne è davvero difficile, se ricorderete ho già trattato l’argomento circa il fatto che le spirali negative hanno bisogno di altra negatività per auto alimentarsi, crescere, insinuandosi così sempre più profondamente nel nostro inconscio, rendendo poi di fatto quasi impossibile eliminarle, fino al punto di “digerirle” permettendo poi loro di diventare una parte integrante del nostro carattere, pensiamo erroneamente che odiare chi ci ha fatto del male sia un modo per farlo soffrire, rendendogli pan per focaccia, ma in questo modo, commettendo un errore davvero ingiustificabile, stiamo invece solo alimentando sentimenti come odio, rancore e spesso dolore. Stiamo così punendo solo noi stessi, forse senza rendercene conto, poiché il nostro sentimento di odio e rabbia non potrebbe in alcun modo ferire chi ci ha fatto del male, se non in maniera davvero superficiale, per farlo dovremmo a nostra volta commettere un atto odioso, diventando di fatto simili, se non peggiori del nostro carnefice. In ultimo non riuscire a perdonare minerà sensibilmente la nostra autostima poiché non saremo stati in grado di concludere qualcosa, non saremo riusciti a compiere quello che è invece un passo davvero importante per diventare persone migliori, che ricordiamolo, è sempre uno dei mattoni essenziali nella vita se ambiamo a diventare persone di successo.

 

I deboli non possono perdonare.
Il perdono è l’attributo dei forti.
– Mahatma Gandhi –

 

Perdonare qualcuno non significa giustificare le sue azioni, tutt’altro, significa invece riuscire a metabolizzare il torto ricevuto, chiudiamo la porta che ci tiene legati a quello specifico atto in modo che esso non influenzi più negativamente le nostre vite con tutto ciò che ne comporta. Perdonando ci poniamo quindi nella migliore situazione possibile per uscire definitivamente da quella situazione lasciandoci alle spalle il passato, a volte doloroso, e proiettandoci verso il futuro, saremo così nuovamente in grado di programmare le nostre vite riprendendo il controllo della situazione. È facile? certo che no! Specie se il torto subito è grave, ma come per tutto, costanza, resilienza e tanta forza di volontà sono le chiavi che ci aiuteranno ad aprire la porta per il futuro e chiudere, definitivamente, quella del passato. Curioso vero come la nostra percezione del perdono sia limitata al semplice soprassedere di un torto subito, mentre in realtà esso contiene una serie di implicazioni così profonde per il nostro inconscio da risultare un elemento determinate per il nostro cammino sulla strada per il successo. Pensiamo a quante persone non sono più riuscite a vivere pienamente la loro vita per via del fatto di non essere riuscite a perdonare un torto subito, restando poi di fatto relegate al loro passato, continuando a recitare il ruolo della vittima, che è sicuramente il più facile (inazione), rispetto a quello più difficile per riprenderne il controllo (azione).

 

 

Perdonare non significa ignorare ciò che è stato fatto contro di noi. Significa piuttosto che quella cattiveria cessa di essere un ostacolo ai rapporti.
– Martin Luther King –

 

Adesso che abbiamo compreso come il perdono sia un tassello così importante da inserire nella nostra vita, cerchiamo anche di capire come fare per metterlo in pratica quando serve. Il perdono richiede senz’altro tempo e costanza per trasformarlo in energia positiva a nostro favore senza che esso diventi semplicemente un atto compiuto automaticamente, non possiamo pensare di perdonare subito un torto ricevuto, in quei momenti proveremo tanti sentimenti negativi e difficili da gestire, l’inconscio lavorerà al posto nostro tentando di reagire con determinazione e risolutezza, è normale che sia così, ma prima o poi dovremo essere in grado di accettare l’accaduto preparandoci perciò a perdonare, cerchiamo quindi di identificare cosa realmente ci ha ferito, a volte non è l’atto ricevuto ma le sue conseguenze, cerchiamo altresì di contrastare ogni sentimento negativo come rabbia, odio e sete di vendetta, che, come abbiamo visto,  auto alimentandosi rischiano poi di far svanire del tutto i nostri sforzi per diventare una persona migliore, essi alla lunga bloccheranno la nostra parte razionale, trasformandoci lentamente nella stessa persona che in quel momento tanto odiamo, attenzione perché se permettiamo a queste emozioni di prendere il sopravvento esse tenderanno a ristagnare nel tempo, trovando così una collocazione stabile nel nostro inconscio e impedendoci di fatto di guardare al futuro focalizzandoci infine solo sul passato. Dobbiamo invece sforzarci di vedere ciò che che vogliamo diventare, come saremo “dopo” aver perdonato? Come cambieremo? E come cresceremo? Riusciremo così a far tesoro di questa esperienza negativa e in questo modo a convertirla in un insegnamento di vita. Non tentiamo di percorrere le tappe necessarie al perdono velocemente o con la fretta di lasciarsi il passato alle spalle, questo percorso ha i suoi ritmi e le sue tappe, ma altresì non smettiamo mai fissare il punto di arrivo e quindi la svolta della nostra vita.

 

Perdonare significa aprire la porta per liberare qualcuno e realizzare che eri tu il prigioniero.
– Max Lucado –

 

Adesso che sappiamo che il perdono è in realtà una chiave per la salute, lasciamo che questo sentimento prenda il sopravvento, permettiamo ad esso di diventare parte integrante della nostra vita e del nostro modo di essere, impegniamoci a non confondere il perdono con la giustificazione e in ultimo impariamo a identificare le vere cause del nostro malessere di fronte a un torto subito, scopriremo che molte volte non è il torto in sé a generare malessere ma le sue conseguenze e altrettanto spesso scopriremo che saremo noi in primis a dover cambiare atteggiamento. Il perdono come elemento essenziale per il cammino sulla strada per il successo, questa è la giusta chiave di lettura del perdono. In ultimo riflettiamo su un frase: “Ricordati che Dio ha perdonato gli uomini che gli hanno ucciso il figlio!” (Terence Hill – Don Matteo).

 

 

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